Ordinarily, we would like to spare our children anything that might cause them to feel worried or afraid, but experts tell us it's far better to be honest when breast cancer strikes a family. So gather your children around and tell them the truth, keeping the following points in mind:
• Children will sense that something is wrong, so don't deny the truth. Tell them you have cancer, you're being treated, and you're going to do everything possible to get well. If you are optimistic, they will be too.
• Use the words breast cancer. Otherwise they may imagine that you have some sort of contagious disease or that your entire body is sick. Let them know it's okay to hug and kiss you.
Make sure that younger children understand that cancer is no one's fault. Younger children tend to blame themselves when something goes wrong in a family, so let them know that cancer is not the result of anything anyone has done.
• Prepare them for the future. Describe your treatment in terms your children can understand. Let them know about your surgery, chemotherapy, and/or radiation. Say, "I might lose my hair, but it will grow back. And I might be tired and grumpy for a while, but those feelings will pass, too."
• Encourage your children to ask questions. Tell them that you'll try to find the answer for any question you can't answer. Far better to encourage a spirit of openness than to have your child worrying in secret.
• Reassure your children that they will be cared for in the months ahead. Children often worry about what might happen to them if their primary caretaker is disabled, so let your children know that Dad, Grandma, Aunt Sue, or the regular babysitter will be around to help take care of things.
• Check out available resources. Ask around at your cancer center or hospital to see if there are support groups for children whose parents are battling cancer, especially if your children seem depressed or their schoolwork begins to suffer.
• Cling to the ordinary. Help keep your family routine as normal as possible. Try to schedule your treatments while your children are in school; do your best to keep life f lowing in a normal pattern.
• Display optimism and faith. Children often learn what is seen and not heard, so your optimistic attitude will do more to encourage your children than a dozen pep talks.
• Don't neglect your spiritual life. Prayer and meditating on Bible verses will bolster your spirit, which will also encourage your children.
